only trans ppl make music

03/23/2026

a thousand villages a thousand rituals & lately ive had the pleasure to step foot at many. theres people out there like me. why do they feel so far away? what about our patterns or choices has prevented us from crossing paths? im glad to be now.

the more i listen the more i understand. the more i talk the more i feel like a pretentious dickhead boy. as someone socialized female (an inverse hello kitty) i often have to assert myself in order to be taken seriously. no gods no masters & at heart im a learner. any time i dont inhabit the mindset of a beginner i resent myself. i seek refinement from curiosity rather than loathing or ego. which is y i learn the most from friends bc im most curious abt what theyre doing. nothing inspires me more than the homies killing it.

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what do others learn from me? i make impressions completely unaware. so often someone will approach me for the first time & tell me they know me from some instance. i feel a small relief that usually its a positive impression. but i stay so focussed on constantly remaking myself that i forget who i was then, or what impressions would have even been possible.

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djs & trans ppl teach me that transitions are sexy. sometimes i wish i was trans! oh to be a doll. ig technically i did transition .. i never wanted to, it was forced upon me. my “coming out” wasnt a choice made by me. i simply started telling ppl i was a girl and they told me i was coming out and that i was trans. all of the sudden ppl asked me my pronouns n shit. mostly i made that stuff up on the spot bc i dont care abt managing ppls experience or perception of me! fuck an identity i only care abt honesty.

ppl crave construction of the self. i never transitioned but am constantly transitioning bc ofc im active in shaping my own existence. just not w the intent to broadcast. is that even possible tho? just like my previous assignment (girlish boy), this proscribed identity (trans woman) has turned me into a genderless sexless object. a blank slate on which ppl graft their own insecurities & frustrations. to see reflected their own preconceptions of desire. thus is born the proscription of transness: from when someone realizes the reality of another doesnt match the projection they held. reconciliation is only human but narrativization is copaganda brain. identity is police work! fuck ice protect the dolls no more fake bitches 2026!!

transitions are sexy tho. i do find power in claiming that for myself .. autonomy .. even tho im anti-identity atp i kind of only live for trans ppl.

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which is something i especially need to work on in my music. my patches & patterns are wonderful imo ! im extremely happy with the sounds ive been making. but my transitions need a lot of work. im eager to do more performances bc thats the part of it i need to practice. a poor craftsman blames her tools tho i will blame my technology a little bit. im pushing my available tech beyond the imagination of how it was ever meant to perform. its an expected & essential part of the creative process. ideas start big & blunt then are whittled thru refinement.

to be anything you have to be willing to be wrong. to learn from each experience. its vulnerable being a learner and even moreso to share it as art or relation or activism or self.

for the first time in a while i am eager to make more music. im happy with what ive made so far but theres so much more to learn & explore. new paths have been opened in my mind that im excited to discover. alw continually transitioning & rn im someone new, eager to explore how that expresses itself.

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